Let Your Guard Down

When you step onto a stage, you are stepping in front of a crowd of friends. This is sometimes hard to believe, when the adrenaline is surging and you’re in the grip of a fight or flight response. But each person in the crowd looking up at you is actually willing you to do well. Each person has come to listen to you, and that probably means that each person thinks you are a brave expert in what you are about to tell them.

Remember the last time you were sitting in the audience, watching a nervous speaker. You probably felt sorry for that flustered presenter. You probably felt warm thoughts of encouragement and empathy. Most people empathise with an uncomfortable speaker and silently cheer them on.

Up to a point. There is an invisible line where the audience gives up cheering for the man or woman at the front, and just waits out the the end of the ordeal, feeling increasing uncomfortable, and missing the information that is being presented.

If you step out on the stage with your guard up, with the expectation that the audience will be hostile, you’ll cross the Discomfort Barrier much sooner. When you’re on stage, let your guard down. Trust the audience. Believe that the audience wants you to succeed. With the support and encouragement of an entire room, your presentation will sparkle with increased energy. You’ll start to feel you’re having a conversation with the audience, rather than giving them a sermon.

When you learn to trust the audience, and know they support you and want you to succeed, you’ll find your stage fright will evaporate.

Ben Wilson wrote this post from his small room in his small house near the ocean. If you enjoyed this, you might like to sign up for his free communication tips. The newsletter also has less talking in third person.

The Guiding Light of a Difficult Conversation

After an fascinating conversation on Twitter with @coachbythesea (Randi Buckley), I found this phrase very compelling. We were talking about the value of empathy in difficult conversations, one of Randi’s specialities.

Randi believes that empathy decreases the fear in a difficult conversation. If you approach a conversation with compassionate intention, then you will always be able to move forward. Such intention becomes your “guiding light.” I asked Randi if some people, without a natural empathy, were always fearful of difficult conversations, but she believes that such people would actually approach the conversation armoured with facts, and so be without fear. But the conversations would not progress to a resolution smoothly, if at all. The good news is that most people can learn empathy.

The sea and shore image comes from a trip I took to Raglan on the west coast of the North Island. I embellished the view with an imaginary light house.