Scared? Maybe You Should be Less Selfish

Speaking in public is scary. It causes a real reaction in your body, the fight or flight response, that results in adrenaline surging through your arteries, sweat breaking out on your forehead, and your heart rate peaking. Often when you’re in the grip of a fight or flight response, your brain stops functioning normally, and all you can think of is yourself, and how to get out of the speech you’re about to give.

But aren’t you being just a little selfish? There’s a room of interesting, curious people waiting for you, and you want to break a promise you made them, because you’re scared. And what are you scared of? Those same interesting, curious people out in the audience.

I’ve written about how avoiding narcissism can make you the centre of attention. If you avoid narcissism, you might also be a little less afraid as well. You can only feel fear when your attention is focused on yourself, when you are in a selfish mindset. You are wondering about your body reaction, wondering what the audience thinks about you, wondering if you’ll be judged well.

When you direct your attention out into the audience, you won’t feel your fear. Instead, you’ll be seeing things from their point of view. Never say to yourself, “I’m afraid”. Just turn your attention and energy out into the audience. As you become attentive to the audience’s point of view, you’ll understand their mood, curiosity and interest. You’ll be able to respond to that curiosity and interest by delivering the information and value only you can give.

Understanding the audience mood is the key to delivering dynamic, energising presentations that will leave them thinking, talking, and understanding your message. If you’re feeling stage fright, try being less selfish. See things from the audience point of view, and your fear will fade into the background.

Ben Wilson wrote this post from his small room in his small house near the ocean. If you enjoyed this, you might like to sign up for his free communication tips. The newsletter also has less talking in third person.

Narcissism: Cut it Out to be the Centre of Attention

As speakers, we all have an element of narcissism in our presentations. We are there at the front of the room, the focus of attention, controlling the show, getting everything to go our own way. The paradox of public speaking is that while it seems to be a self-serving activity, it’s not. Narcissism is the worst attribute a speaker can display.

It’s a sticky trap, but narcissism in public speaking is a deadly method of losing an audience. It’s about energy. We give and receive energy all the time. But when a narcissist takes the stage, they simply take energy. All of it. They hijack the conversation, turning every story into something about them. Listening to a narcissist speak is like standing near a black hole, watching your energy drain into it, never to return.

An audience comes to receive. It might be knowledge, entertainment, or inspiration, but they want to receive something from the speaker. If you are a speaker who avoids the sticky web of narcissism, you must give energy instead of taking it. Your speech will be all about the audience. Their life, their situation, the fulfilment of their wants and needs. You’ll avoid the word I and instead use you, or we.

If you finish your speech and you’re drained of energy, then you’ve given your audience the energy it craved. If you finish your speech and the people in the audience are sitting on their chairs like discarded rubber glovers, then you might want to re-evaluate your style of speaking.

The best way to hold someone’s attention is to give them energy, to talk about them and their interests. Cut out the me, me, me attitude and become passionate about your audience. If you do, you’ll stay the centre of attention.

Ben Wilson wrote this post from his small room in his small house near the ocean. If you enjoyed this, you might like to sign up for his free communication tips. The newsletter also has less talking in third person.